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LeakyBucket46
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Interests: Spending time in and learning from God's amazing creation, writing stories and poems, reading, and hanging out with my friends.
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/22/2005
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| This semester has been a tough one for me. It's been tough academically, emotionally, and mentally. There have been a lot of changes in my life that wouldn't necessarily be so tough on their own, but added all together makes it a bit rough. It's the same way with schoolwork. It wouldn't be so hard if it didn't all add up. I have had to forego a lot of activities with friends that I would have liked to go to because of homework... My rommate has said several times, "College would be so much more fun if classes didn't get in the way." I guess that's kind of the wrong approach though. It is a real priviledge to be able to get this education. There are a lot of people around the world who would jump at the opportunity that I have. Alright, that's all for today... I may update more later...we'll see.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." ~Psalm 19:14
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| Hey! I haven't had much time to talk or update. I've been getting better about not spending all my time online and spending it doing a better job at my homework. Also, instead of playing games online while I eat at my desk, I read one of my books that I have for pleasure. It's really nice!
Last Thursday at Large Group, we had Jonny Diaz come and lead worship. He sang a really good song that really struck a chord with me. The message was that God is with us even when it doesn't feel like He is with us. One of the verses was "Mountain top praise on the everyday days returns my heart to the truth: That I am loved by You!" It reminded me that I had not been praising God like He deserves. I mean, no one is able to praise Him as much as He deserves, but I was not really trying to praise and glorify God. Also, it reminded me that I was having my devotions for me, when really they are not for me. It is for God. I owe him at least that small part of my day. Just because it doesn't feel like He's there doesn't mean He is not. Argh, this headache is impairing my ability to explain what I learned...I think I'll try again another day...
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| Well, I seem to have made it out of my slump. I was watching a thunderstorm on Monday night up on the fourth floor when I realized what my problem was (or God showed me what my problem was..is). I was looking down too much. Physically and mentally. I was focused entirely on myself. I should have been looking up. Mentally and physically. God can get my attention a lot better when I'm looking up. I know it sounds kind of random, but it's true. I notice the sky and the birds more often. And that's how he talks to me a lot of times. Plus he talks to me through other people and I have to see them to see what he's telling me. So I have improved from my last post...
It still really saddens me to hear about Steve Erwin. He was such an amazing person. I know it probably sounds dumb for me to be going on and on about him. But he was a real man. He was courageous and did what he loved. He also was caring and seeing him with his daughter, Bindi, was always a treat. I pray for Bindi and Bob because now they have no father. And they had such a great one. I pray for Bindi. I pray that she knows our Father's love for her. It took me too long to discover that love. I hope she discovers it sooner than I did. But God will provide. He has it in his hands. He's in control.
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| I feel stuck in a slump. I don't know why. Maybe because of Steve's death. I know it sounds dumb because I never knew him personally, but it has really gotten to me. Don't ask me why. I can't explain it. But I was just beginning to be able to finish the transition from camp back to college when this happened and now it's like everything is upset again.
"Maybe if the world was like it should be, I could get some sleep."
So true. But yet, I still don't really notice that the world is not how it should be until something happens to snap me out of my little world that I have built up around me. I feel like God is slowly breaking down that world and bringing me out into the world around me. Taking me out of my comfortable world into the fallen world that I have been brought into to spread His love.
I've built up this world around me, where everything is happy and there's no real problems. It's just what C. S. Lewis talks about in the Screwtape Letters. Wormtongue is giving advice to his nephew and he says not to let the human experience real pain because then he would realize that what he was complaining of wasn't really pain at all. I get used to my world and so my little disappointments hurt but then when a real or more-real pain comes along, it puts my little problems in perspective. To be quite honest, I don't really like that. But God never said it was easy.
So now I have to face up to reality and realize that this world is not about me. I like to think I'm humble, but when God shows me myself, I realize that I am a very proud person. I may not act like a proud person, but on the inside I am really proud. I've asked God to humble me and I think this is part of the process. It hurts. It's like in Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Aslan has to take the dragon skin off of Eustace. It hurts but that's the only way for him to come clean.
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| So, Steve-o died yesterday. I still can't quite believe it. It doesn't seem like someone that full of life could die. I wonder if he is a Christian. I hope that he is. It's confusing because this has happened to a friend who also was so full of life. She got killed in a freak accident. I don't know. Maybe God decides that they can't have a life that is any fuller than they have it and so he decides to take them. But what about all the people left here? Life and death don't make sense. Stuff like this always makes me so much more aware of how thin the line between life and death is. It makes me value life more. Makes me want to live my life to the fullest because you never know when it's going to end. When my life ends, I want it to end with me doing God's will. I want to be following God when I die.
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